Pit Stains.

Whether you admit it or not, everyone at one time or another has suffered. Once they have surfaced there is no turning back. They are embarrassing for everyone, the victim and all who have to witness. Craving all the attention in the room - everyone stares. Like the new student in class or the pregnant girl, looking away is not an option. They have made their mark… or should I say stain.

Pit stain to be more exact. High school is the worst time for pit stains. Scratch that - there is no good time for pit stains. Picture this: you are sitting in a cool room, not too hot, not too cold, and yet somehow you are sweating; it’s like the 8th world wonder. Anyone, any age, anywhere can get these lovely moist marks. The worst part about these damp dark circles under your arms is that once they have arrived they refuse to leave, kind of like the worst guest at your party. I fortunately can give all you sweaty ladies some hope with a hand full of ways to curb yourself from hyperhidrosis. By the way, I hope you are not wearing grey.

Step down overactive sweat glands.

We will have to start simple, and I am not talking about standing with both hands on your hips hoping for some “natural ventilation”. Lets get real, similar to the way fanning yourself with papers doesn’t actually cool you down, natural ventilation doesn’t work either. So lets find something that does work, and this may come as a shock to you – but it’s not deodorant. When you say, “I need to buy deodorant”, more likely than not your purchasing antiperspirant. Unless you are Mathew McConaughey, who hasn’t worn either in twenty years. Google it.

Anywho, lets break this down: deodorant is used to fight the odor. Antiperspirant is used to fight perspiration. If you sweat a lot or just need to control your sweating, begin with an antiperspirant. If a standard antiperspirant does not work there are plenty of other options, and sticking a panty liner under your pits is not one of my solutions. As you now understand there is a huge difference between deodorant and antiperspirant. The last thing a woman who sweats wants to buy is a basic deodorant. Deodorant is actually a whole other ball game; smelly chicks will have to wait for a later blog.

The next step to curing sweaty pits would be your physician. Don’t be embarrassed this is the doctor who has probably seen your who-ha (for those who don’t personally know me, that means vagina) and if not, they have absolutely seen you far from your finest hour. When I talked to my doctor, he prescribed Drysol. This made it possible for me to answer questions in Ms. Sherwood’s seventh period history class. Drysol is a strong liquid antiperspirant, applied once a day. There are other medical options similar to Drysol but I am no doctor so contact yours for further information and or other methods.

Lets talk extreme for a minute, and by extreme I’m talking cash money. Lets talk Botox, this is a very expensive option. Just like regular Botox, it lasts around six months. If you truly suffer from hyperhidrosis and you have the money you may want to consider this method. Before Lindsay Lohan was sporting her fabulous orange jumpsuit, she was rumored to be one of the celebrities who went this route. LiLo got Botox in her underarms to temporarily stop her sweat glands.

Excessive sweating is embarrassing, some doctors told me that most people grow out of the stage. We can blame it on those dang hormones; right there along with pimples and mood swings. There are plenty of brands that make antiperspirants, try, try again, and try another, until you find the brand that works for you. I believe this blog will help you make a triumphant leap towards dry pits. Who knows, you may soon be able to raise your arms above 90 degrees.

Jeans.

Women, like wolves, have been known to travel in packs; to the bathroom, on the dance floor and certainly to gossip. Together, females swap funny, interesting and even embarrassing stories. For most women, hearing stories of hardship and discomfort relieve the “its not only me” syndrome. The strong feelings that women share with each other can range from something as serious as wanting a happier marriage or simply wishing that a size six will one day fasten comfortably.

The exhausting act of shopping for jeans is something to which most women can relate. I personally could write a book about my experiences. I chose instead to write a blog. Unless you are a twelve-year-old girl or a woman with no curves what so ever, jean shopping is no walk in the park. Whoever said slipping on a pair of skinny jeans was easy - was seriously disturbed.

Let’s start with the waist. Many jeans do not actually reach a women’s waist anymore. Yet if and when they do, they are considered to be “old fashion” or the untrendy “mom jeans”. OK, times change, and so do styles, understandable. The waistline went down… well so did the economy, be frugal with money people not the waistline of my pants!

The fact that most jeans on the market are uncomfortably low makes them truly unbearable to sit in. The constant act of pulling your shirt lower and lower in the back to make sure your panties are not showing is irritating, actually it makes my blood boil. On the other hand there are those lovely ladies who opt out of covering their bare bum as their jeans fall, Vomit! Yet, the problems do not end in the rear. The front zipper rarely lies neatly on a woman. While we are in this region lets talk about the infamous camel toe. Did I say vomit, yet? Gross. So you think, lets fix it. You buy the next size up. Now you are left with the very public crotch pocket that causes a dreadful sag that inevitably leaves you looking like you have a penis.

I understand I’m stating the obvious when I say that jeans are not as comfy as say - sweats, leggings or jeggings. Yet wearing these denim contraptions can sometimes actually be easier than purchasing them. The mental and physical battle of trying dozens and dozens of jeans on is exhausting.

My authority on the subject follows.

Since my fifth birthday I have been running around like a little soccer nut - indoor soccer, outdoor soccer, traveling soccer. Developing myself a perfect pair of soccer thighs. I cannot quite blame soccer for my tucus but I have one of those too. Thanks genetics, you are a doll.

Jean shopping was never fun, and it was certainly not an option to go with friends. It was more of a tedious chore. My life was changed when at eleven years old my dad and I came across Gap Curvy Jeans. They seemed to arrive on the scene at the same time as Jennifer Lopez. Gap sells a hand full of styles that cater to different body types: curvy, long and lean, and petite are just a few options.

Daisy Fuentes has become my Latino body role model with her curvy friendly clothing line sold at Kohl’s. Her line shows that the manufacturers are well aware that women have curves but at the same time, they still keep up with all the latest and greatest trends for a great price.

Not all women can get the perfect pair-o-pants from Daisy or Gap. No matter what your waistline The Perfect Fit Button can help. This additional button that you tack into your jeans changes the way your jeans fit, truly transforming them. Whether you want to add an inch or pull your pants in tighter, The Perfect Fit Button helps to make the jeans fit your body. This made for TV thingamajig is a great option as a quick fix to your denim.

I learned young that jean shopping was not easy and no fun. I think I have cried so many times out of frustration when jean shopping that it has somehow turned into a comedic performance. Very often the dressing room is filled with twenty-three pairs of jeans again no options. So either embrace jeans and keep your eyes open for the right brand and style for you, or don’t and ditch them for leggings, dresses and sweats.